WAR:  TO TALK OF MANY THINGS 

By Cousin LaurieCF, Cousin Tser, Cousine Celeste, Cousin Tok, and
Cousin Shelley (not to be confused with the other Cousin Shelley),  
with additional input from and/or consent of all other
Cousins mentioned.

Time: Whenever we need it to be (fairly early though not too early in
the War; after "Toil and Trouble" and "Interlude" and concurrent with
"CERK After Dark: Hot Zone Part II" and prior to the Dark Knighties' Party)

Location: CERK HQ


Friteen:  A Mayhem in Twelve Fits
Fit the Fourth

"The hour has come," the Vampire said,
"To talk of many things!
Of time, and space, and Mary Sues;
Of Nick-and-Nat-Packings!
Of why the rift has opened, thus;
And whether cows have wings!"


Cousin LaurieCF, together with her cohorts, Cousine Celeste and
Cousin Tok, and their respective Lacroixian companions watched as their
fellow Cousins started to file into the second floor conference room.
A disturbing number of them were also accompanied by "companions".  The
Cousinly trio known as "Cerberus" had been occupied with the arrangements
for the meeting.  Apparently more visitors had shown up in the meantime.  It
was shaping up to be quite a crowd.

Cousin Mariah was there, with "Lucy", elegantly attired in matching crushed
velvet Edwardian jackets, with a touch of lace at the neck and cuffs.
Cousin Tser was still unaccompanied, but her friend Cousin Arletta had
brought the "Nick" she seemed to have acquired somewhere along the way.  He
appeared to be inebriated, as he had been every second since his arrival at
CERK - probably his response to the situation.  Cousin LaurieCF heartily
approved the sentiment. She had developed a headache shortly after arriving
there herself, and it had
pretty much reached her toes at this point.

There were even more Lacroixs than before; why didn't that surprise her?
Cousin Chase had arrived with someone he introduced around as *Darth*
Lacroix.  Cousin Zeonia was there with *Doctor Lacroix*.  Cousin Cherri had
managed to bring her CERK-obscessed Lacroix - though how Cherri had managed
to pry him away from the sound studio long enough to attend the meeting,
Cousin Laurie had no idea.  And wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Cousin Sun was there with yet another Lacroix, this one dressed in typical
black Lacroix garb.  He seemed possessed of a perpetually glowering
expression, and Cousin Laurie noted idly that even the other Lacroixs seemed
to avoid that one. Cousin Kimee had brought an Urs.  There was even a
Schanke present, the one who went around calling himself a Ranger;  Cousin
'Chele seemed to have brought him. And yet another Nick: Cousin LisaAP had
brought this one. Laurie had met him briefly.  He seemed to spend all his
time making flowery remarks and writing things down on his notepad.  Even as
Laurie glanced at him, he was at it again, rapidly writing something.
LisaAP was watching him, a long suffering expression on her face.

Cousin McLisa was also present at the meeting, but her "companion", the
menacing Janette, was still cooling her heels in CERK's padded cell.
Unfortunately, the same could not be said of their other potentially
lethal visitor, LaurieCF thought glumly.  She had managed to persuade
their resident Divia to accept quarters on the third floor, near her
companion, Cousin Robi, as far away from all the Lacroixs as Laurie
could manage without confining their guest in one of the not-so-cushy
basement cells.   Since, so far, this Divia had not created the kind of
trouble the terrifying Janette had, the Cousinly leaders were loath to
potentially provoke it by confining her to a cell.  However, Cousin
LaurieCF wished she'd been a little bit clearer in her instructions to
Cousin Robi.  She had not meant for Divia to attend this meeting.

Fortunately, it appeared the Lacroixs were so shell-shocked by
earlier developments that the arrival of Divia didn't faze them.  Much.
Still, there was a wide swath of empty seats surrounding the corner
of the table where Cousin Robi and Divia had seated themselves.  The
only one who had dared approach her at all was Cousin Vickie's Lacroix
- and he had as quickly retreated with obvious disappointment.

"We're still missing some people," Cousin Tok remarked to her
co-leaders.  "Anyone heard or seen anything from Cousin Amanda, Cousin
Bob, Cousin Gaelin, Cousin Jesse?  And where's Cousin Toni?"

"Cousin Toni told me she was working on some trouble with the CERK
transmitter, I think she said,"  Cousin Laurie responded.  "She thought it
was important, so she decided to listen in through the intercom."

"I sent Cousin Gaelin and Cousin Senara down to the jail, to see
if anyone turned up there.  Cousin Senara's back, but I guess Cousin
Gaelin was delayed,"  replied Celeste.  "She knew when the meeting was
scheduled, though.  Think we should wait for her and the others?"

"We'll give them a few more minutes,"  Cousin LaurieCF proposed.
"In case something delayed them.  Otherwise, someone can catch them up
on the details later."

As she finished speaking, there was a commotion by the entrance.
The Leaders looked up, almost afraid to see what was happening next.
Cousin Gaelin came in, dragging yet another Lacroix by the arm.  This
one looked wild-eyed and frightened, yet he made no attempt to elude
her grasp.

"I bailed this one out of the drunk tank," she reported of the
dishevelled figure beside her.  "Good thing you decided to have a few
of us check out the jail, just in case anyone turned up there.   Couple
of Toronto's finest found him blocking traffic at the corner of Bloor
and Yonge, stabbing at cars with his sword and spouting what sounded to
them like gibberish.  They thought he got lost on the way back from a
costume party.  Granted, he did smell ripe."  She snorted.  "But,
obviously, they never studied Latin.  He kept telling them 'Civis
Romanus sum!' over and over."

Cousin Arletta moved over to examine him.  "Hey, that's no costume.
That's a toga!"  Some of the others moved closer to look.  Cousin
Arletta was right.  A very wrinkled and dirty one, which smelled
heavily of cheap liquor, but definitely a toga.

Arletta's Lacroix touched the newcomer gently on the arm.  He said
something to him.

The toga-clad Lacroix looked up slowly, almost fearfully.  Suddenly he
grasped the other's arm and started speaking frantically, volubly. The
words just poured from him.

Arletta's Lacroix interrupted suddenly.  He spoke soothingly.  At
least, it sounded soothing.  Whatever he was saying was as
incomprehensible as the babbling of the other.

"Hey!"  Cousin Denese realized.  "You're right, Cousin Gaelin!  That's
not gibberish!  That's Latin!  Now they're both speaking it."

"Do you know what they're saying?" Cousin Arletta asked Cousin Gaelin.

"Some words, here and there.  Not much.  My knowledge of Latin runs
more to the classics, like Ovid and Pliny.  I don't think half the
words they're using exist any more.  I caught something about 'Rome',
and 'the Emperor', but beyond that?"  She shrugged her incomprehension.

Arletta's Lacroix paused in his conversation and nodded.  "This
gentleman has arrived from Rome, from a feast held in his honor by the
Emperor.  I vaguely recall attending such a feast, shortly before my
return to Pompeii."

"Then this Lacroix isn't a vampire?"  Cousin Sun asked.

"Fortunately not.  Can you imagine the problems in dealing with a
vampire transplanted to the 20th century from Imperial Rome?"  Cousin
Gaelin replied.

"Maybe we can continue this later?"  Cousin LaurieCF suggested.
"Cousin Gaelin, if you and your Roman friend could take seats?  Cousin
Arletta, maybe your friend would be willing to translate for our latest
guest?"

"And let us all welcome yet another entry in the *Famous Lacroixs for $400
contest*," Cousin Tok remarked, staring widely at the gentleman from
Rome.  "Nice legs on this one," she added appreciatively.

After things had settled down, LaurieCF waited another five
minutes, in case there were any more stragglers, but when no one showed
up, she finally called the meeting to order.

"I don't suppose I have to tell you why we called this meeting,"
she began. "Obviously, War was declared rather sooner than anticipated,
and equally obviously, a new wrinkle was added this time around."

"I think we all kind of noticed,"  Cousin Arletta remarked, as she and her
friend Cousin Shelley tried to to push Shelley's inebriated companion back
into the seat he was sliding from.  Several of the Cousins chuckled.

"Problem is, we don't know what's going on," Cousin LaurieCF
continued.  "We don't know where these visitors have come from, except
that they seem for the most part to come from realities very different
from our own.  We don't know how they got here;  we don't know where
the Lacroix of *this* reality might be at the moment;  we don't know
how, or if, we should try to send them "back" - wherever "back" might
be.  In fact, we don't know a heck of a lot of things.  About the only
thing we do know is that we are not the only faction affected.  Some of
us received an invitation from the Dark Knighties to a party at their
headquarters to celebrate the arrival of their visitors.  From what
they said, it sounds like they've got quite a few of them.  So I think
we can safely assume the situation is endemic."

"Hey, if this is a disease, I don't ever want to find a cure,"
someone muttered, just barely audibly.

"I don't think any of us can deny that there are definite
advantages to the situation," Cousin LaurieCF concurred, involuntarily
glancing at *her* Lacroix, who was listening intently at a nearby seat.
"But we must also all recognize that there is something terribly
wrong.  I'm sure you've all noticed that the clocks have all stopped.
And that, although some of us have been here long enough to eat, sleep,
eat and sleep again, it's still Friday night."

"Friday the thirteenth,"  Cousin Tok muttered.

"Also, for all we know, our visitors may be badly missed in their
own realities.  Terrible things could be happening in those realities.
Assuming our visitors come from other realities, and are not merely
mental projections of some kind."

There was a lot of murmuring as the Cousins pondered that possibility.

Cousine Celeste rose to her feet and stared gravely at the large
audience of Cousins until she had captured their attention.  "I have
something to say, on that point.  I had a chat, moments before I came
to Toronto, with a friend who has... shall we say *satellite*
technology.  He said his satellite, which is in synchronous orbit with
the earth, was experiencing a time displacement or temporal rift.  The
computers' readings were apparently off the scale.  My friend's
partners said that they had never seen anything like this *before*."

"Which would tend to support the theory that there is an actual,
physical phenonenon involved," Cousin Laurie, observed.  "Cousin Tser
here - she nodded to the Cousin standing beside her - may be relatively
new to our ranks, but she's very familiar with the field of temporal
mechanics.  She thinks she has some kind of a handle on what may be
going on here.  Since it can only be to our mutual advantage to have a
better handle on this thing, whatever this *thing* is, I invited her
here to brief us all on what she thinks is going on - and how we
Cousins can best use it to advantage.  Cousin Tser?"  Cousin LaurieCF
resumed her seat, leaving the floor to Cousin Tser.



Tserisa cleared her throat and took the stand, smiling at her
roomate, Cousin Rust, who gave her a discreet wink.

"Well, I can't say I know everything that's going on here."

Cousin Sun's LaCroix chuckled dryly and interrupted.  "Then why,
pray tell, are you up there?" he sneered. Cousin Sun shot Tser an apologetic
look.

Tser shrugged.

"I suppose its pretty obvious that this rift in the make-up of
the multi-verse is letting in beings from alternate realities, but
maybe I can clear some things up about that," she said.  "I know this
is a very recondite subject, so if you have any questions, please ask.

"First of all, the alternate realities seem to be following three
main patterns, though there are certainly exceptions... one is the
*mirror dimension* type reality, where the *people* are the same ones,
but the events and make-up of that reality might be very different.
Um, the LaCroix with Cousin Sun is an example, as well as Lucy LaCroix.

"Second, the alternate decision realities, where a slight change
in a decision or in something that happened alters the realities
greatly.  I've seen examples of this in our LaCroixs and in other
faction's... um... guests.  I can't be sure without all the background,
but my guess is Cousin Robi's Divia is an example of this."  Divia
smiled sweetly at the attention and batted her eyelashes.

"Third, and most obviously noticed, is time travel.  An alternate
*time* as well as alternate reality," Tser said, and motioned to
Pompeii LaCroix.

"So what should we do?" Cousin LisaAP asked.  A few apprehensive cousins
nodded at the question.

Tser drew in a deep breath.  "Well, I don't think we can *heal*
the rift... we don't have the means.  But we can try to help it along
in the meantime.  We don't know what's caused it, though if we found
that out we might be able to stop it.  I'd say our best bet is to find
*our* LaCroix and separate him from the... verisimilitudes of LaCroix.
The best bet on keeping the rift stable is to get all elements back in
their proper realities.

"Everything has what's called a *quantum signature*.  It differs
from the matter of all other realities.  For Space-Time to be stable,
matter must be in its own plane of existence in the multi-verse."  Tser
took a sip of water from the glass the Cousinly Leaders had provided
her.  "I suppose of all the exigencies, this is the most important.
Though it may not actually *heal* the rift, it will definitely not
hurt, and *after* the rift is closed, it'll help keep the Space-Time
Continuum stable."

"I can save you a lot of trouble," Cousin Sun's LaCroix spoke up again.  He
scowled at Tser up at the front.  "Because I am the one true LaCroix," he
growled.

Tser stared at him, unnerved for a moment.  "Well, *ahem*,
actually, there is no one *real* LaCroix.  You're *all* real.  You just
normally exist in another part of the multi-verse.  The multi-verse is
made up of all the various universes from different realities.  I
really don't think that any of the LaCroixs in this room are from this
reality."

"So, it *is* gonna close?" Cousin Kimee asked.

"Well, nothing is sure but FK War," Tser said, smiling at the
slight ripples of amusement and groans which rolled through the
audience.  "But I'd say chances are high.  I think we'll find out
*exactly* how to close the rift," she assured the gathered Cousins and
visitors.  "I will also point out that some rifts are self-healing."

Cousin Shelley was listening to the ongoing discussion and
casting uneasy glances at the various Lacroixs scattered around the
room.  With the exception of Cousin Mariah's Flaming Lacroix, and
Cousin Gaelin's toga-clad Roman, they all looked pretty much alike.

*What a nightmare,* she thought.   *We can't even tell them
apart.  How are we ever going to get them back to wherever they came
from?*

Timidly, she raised a hand.  She had been introduced to the
others, but being a new cousin, had not really spoken to most of them
yet.  Being shy by nature, she hated to call attention to herself, but
these were strange times, and everyone had to pitch in. She figured
this was as good a time as any to dive in.

"Cousin ... Shelley, isn't it?"  Cousin LaurieCF had observed the
outstretched arm.

"Yes," she replied, absurdly pleased that they recognized her.
"I was thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to keep track of all
the alternates, and what we know about them, and where they belong" she
stammered out.

"That could be very useful,"  Cousin Tser pointed out.  "Assuming
that we do find out for sure how to repair the rift.  We're going to
have to make sure everyone gets back to the right universe, or this
could happen all over again.  Keeping track from the beginning will
help us restore stability."

"That's an excellent idea, Cousin Shelley!" Cousin Tok agreed.
"Good thinking!  And we should keep track of all the alternates we may
encounter, not just the Lacroixs.  They all have to go back to their
own universes, or we may have this to deal with all over again."

"Are you volunteering for the job?"  Cousine Celeste queried.

Shelley flushed with pleasure, excited that the Leaders would
trust her with such an important responsibility.  "I'd love to!"

"It's all yours."  Cousin LaurieCF smiled at the young, enthusiastic
recruit.  "After the meeting, everyone who has found a Lacroix or anyone
else, should find some time to report to Cousin Shelley what you know about
your companion and the world they came from.  Now, was there anything you
wanted to add, Cousin Tser, before we conclude for now?"

Tser took a deep breath and cleared her throat.  "I think finding
*our* LaCroix -- the one that belongs in this reality, whoever and
whichever he is -- is the sine qua non of all this.  We find him,
separate him from all the other duplicates, and then we're a long way
toward a conclusion to this.  The registry will no doubt help greatly
with that."  She shot a smile at Cousin Shelley.

"That's really all I have to say," Cousin Tser concluded.  "If anyone
has any questions, I'll be happy to try and answer them."

"I have a question," Cousin LisaAP ventured.  "How will we know if we
have found the actual Lacroix of this reality?  Some of these
alternates seem pretty close to the original?"

"That's an excellent question," Cousin LaurieCF replied.  "Some, of
course, will quite obviously be from a different reality."  Eyes
flicked over Cousin Mariah's Lacroix.  "But in some cases, the
differences may be subtle  indeed.  If you encounter a Lacroix that you
think may be the genuine article from *this* reality, contact one of
the Leaders.  We have shared War experiences with Lacroix that probably
are unique to this reality.  We can probably ascertain if the gentleman
in question is *our* Lacroix, or merely one from a very similar
reality. <<And if he doesn't know anything about chocolate plantations,
we know we've got the wrong guy, she thought to herself.>> Any other
questions?"

No one answered, and Cousin Laurie waved Tser back to her seat.

Silence reigned for several moments, as the Cousins and their visitors
tried to absorb the information imparted by Cousin Tser.  Then everyone
began talking at once.  Cousin LaurieCF appealed for quiet.

"I think Cousin Tser has given us a lot to think about," she began.
"We're going to break in a few moments, but I just wanted to reiterate
the major points.  Everyone should keep their eyes and ears peeled for
any evidence of what might have caused the rift - and what might be
required in order to close it.  It is possible that the rift may be
self-healing - but we shouldn't count on that."  She observed without
comment that several of their guests did not seem exactly thrilled at
the prospect of the rift's closure.

"Also, each of you who has encountered a Lacroix or other alternate
personage should report the details of that encounter, and a
description of the party involved, to Cousin Shelley, so she may keep
an accurate record of all alternates that have been encountered.  This
includes any alternates you may meet in future, including any you may
discover having involvement with another faction.  And if you think it
might be *our* Lacroix, be sure to let one of the Leaders know."

"Finally, one last thing."  She smiled at the assembled Cousins.
"Unusual though the situation, may be, this is still War.  So indulge
yourselves:  go out there and wreak havoc and mayhem as only we Cousins
can."

As if in counterpoint to her final words, the doors to the conference
room suddenly sprang open, and seven black-clad figures entered from
opposite ends.  For one brief but horrible moment, Cousin Laurie feared
that CERK was under attack; then she recognized the intruders, the odd
uniforms notwithstanding, and inwardly sighed in relief.

"We were afraid you folks hadn't made it," she said, waving them to
empty chairs. <<And I can't wait to hear *their* story.>>


Continued in "CERK AFTER DARK - HOT ZONE Part III" and "FAMOUS LACROIXS FOR
$400, ALEX" and "A LESS PERMANENT HELL"