thought for the day, Oct. 24, 1981

 

i live with two cats

several books

300 albums/

the roaches refuse to leave

 

the sun came thru the window

and

arrogantly wrped my album by Change

i was not too upset about this

my favorite records/

no one else can stand

i play them daily

my neighbors leave me alone

 

the fog

sat

on the golf course

ev’ry day this week

it got on my car

and made it hard to drive

downtown san diego has a ring of fog

                        tuesday morning/7:35 a.m.

i was in san francisco for 30 seconds that morning

 

golden h ill is a good place to be black in

 

From my window i can see balboa park/

                                                the golf course/

                                                the neighbors yard

i did not totaly escape the view of electrical wires

it is 5:45 p.m./

i am trying desperately not to fall in love

 

a white man shares secrets w/me

i am waiting

for him to use my blackness

as an excuse

to refuse my caring

niggas don’t have that/excuse

they have instead hurt me blatantly

or never care in the first place

in order not to complicate my life

bitterness

has made me less trusting

the cats like to stay outside

                                    when i’m at work

they feed on depression

the house is just too

                                    damn

                                                cheery

when i’m gone

 

all week i have been trying to

convince myself

that I am a failure

on thursday nite i gave it up/

admitted that i was

as wonderful as ever

            (i’ll have to learn to live w/that)

it was such a revelation

that thursday nigth

i treated myself to tears

they took the place of the self pity session i was saving for sunday morning

 

one of the roaches

                                                just

                                    walked

                        over

n complained

about my cooking!!

it seems that i don’t splatter n spill

enuf offa the stove

and i clean it up too quickly n too well

i

informed this roach

that the whole group

                        the entire population of my studio

cd stage a walkout in protest/

he didn’t share my humor

so i promptly shared my black flag

hoping the message would be clearer than

verbal assaults

 

i live in a studio apartment

there is just enuf space for

one woman

to be complete in

lovers are welcomed only at

scheduled intervals

i’ve been toying witht he idea of phasing them out altogether

 

it just occured to me

that if i kept a

journal

i cd use it for writing stuff like this

for the tme being i will call this a poem

put my nose in the air

and dare anyone to challenge me

 

it is  6:15 p.m. and i must be getting dressed

some folks

can spend all day

writing poems



10/24/81

© geri lynn peak

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